we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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