It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
