i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
