Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
