Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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