He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's get the cat blown out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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