he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
