No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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