mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
