Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
