Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
