wat bout pragnant strippers??
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
