How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
