what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
