this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
