My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
