Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it penis luge time yet?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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