I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
