he puts the penis in happiness.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
