I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
