i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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