I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
