so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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