I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
