you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
