Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
