i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
