i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
