Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
