Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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