i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
