Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
