Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
