I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
