and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
