that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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