my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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