we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
