i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
