The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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