when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
