why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
