i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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