I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
