He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
