What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
