Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
