I think I died a long time ago.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
