i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
