I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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