How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
pray to the hookup gods
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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