hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
